Holy shit...this colorgenics test is pretty goddamn accurate. I didn't want to believe it, but as I read on...it fit me snugly....too snugly to be comfortable. Besides...I hate comfort.

Test result: Everyone feels despondent at times ... and you are no exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you don't quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial ostrich - you are trying to bury your head in the sand ... But that won't work. You have to face reality .....

Being a likeable person .. you get in well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to "Rock your boat". You want to "love" and to be loved".

You feel that you should be appreciated far more than you are.. but no-one seems to care! You feel that you are receiving less than your share... and the main problem is that there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. The Inner stress that you are experiencing makes you quick to take offence .... but you realise that at this particular moment in time there is little that you can do to relieve the situation.

You pretend that you are a carefree individual and that nothing really bothers you .. that you are so self-sufficient that whatever problems beset you - they simply flow off you as water flows of a ducks back... You are experiencing considerable stress, trying to conceal yourself from the rest of the world. In actual fact - deep down, you are not at all happy. You feel lonely and you need someone with whom you can "Let your hair down" and share your hopes, dreams and high standards... You are imposing unnecessary self restraint on yourself. You would like to demonstrate the unique quality of your character to all and sundry.

At this time you don't particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and have unadmitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems, and this leads to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you take stock of yourself.... smile a little.. and let go ... everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the cliche..Smile and the World smiles with you - Cry and you cry alone!

Damn. It's been a while since my last blog, but not much in my loser life has changed. I'm still borderline failing and I still can not muster any courage to even tell HER something. Only adding to this, I was supposed to play D&D and finish Fushigi Yuugi today, but I did neither. Fucking bad twist of fate. Fate. Fate.

Fuck, I'll continue before I get into my entire fate exists and controls us speech. When sitting today in anime, Rey actually said something that will stick with me for the next little while. I am a Capricorn, and she just happens to be a cancer. According to Rey's mysterious sources, Capricorns and Cancers MORE than get along fine. Then that asshole throws in his stupid superior posterior remark. Still, I never thought of her as anything more than I know her as (can't exactly describe it)...and this opens up another part of my brain, a possibly diseased part, thinking maybe friends are possibly more than that.

Who the hell knows...or cares for that matter. I will NEVER tell this to my friends personally, but they are the only things that keep me from going really insane, or going schizo, thanks anyway. We're all a bunch of losers, no hardly ever leave the basement, have the stupidest debates but they're still good people.....for the most part. I really wanted to play D&D this week, but as my luck would have it, instead of being weekly, I haven't played for almost two months. As for Fushigi Yuugi, it sucked...at the beginning but now the ass kicking comes...well it would have come if the video studio wasn't being stupid.

Music really is the only thing that takes away anything that went wrong during the day/week. This week's song is by Millencolin - Lozin' Must. TV helps too. Thought provoking shows are really the onyl ones worth watching . Before I start to ramble on with more crap I have one thing really just processing in my mind - Does the end justify the means?

hey. a new way to get the downs and celebrate the ups of every day. i hope my time on blogspot helps. pretty much daily updates, i'll keep working on this layout to make it my own. it's only gonna take a lot of work, a lot of effort and a lot of heart.