Chasm

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Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
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It's been a while. Things have changed. Things have stayed the same. Things have worsened; things have improved. No update in a long time. It's simply because there are things I really didn't want to talk about, and think about. Those things still do exist, and I might talk about them, I might not. We'll see how this pans out. Yes, I'm still a sucker for that song.

My body still intensely physically worn. Eating and sleeping little tends to do that to the human body. No matter though, I deserve it all. For being such a lazy person. The end of the year is in a number that is less than if I counted one whole hand. In case you didn't get that. There are less than five weeks of the school year. In fact, there are two. This would seem like a good thing. However, it is not. With time this short, and as much work as I have to do, stress starts to really kick in the clutch. Remember the fact that I'm lazy. Short time + lazyness = unfavorable results*stress. It's a mathematical equation. Then again, this is only academics. And I'm really tired of all the nothingness coming from it. It's all worthless, I wish i was numb. And couldn't feel it all, or think about any of it. But that's not me, folks. I'm dragged down by everything. So look out.

I've come to the conclusion that I am not alive, but just breathing. I know many people who are also just breathing, and this is because they are not living their lives. I don't have a life, I have an existence. It has been bleak, parts of it are bleak, and I know that there will continue to be such parts. I just want to be free.. and live as I want, as I should be. But I guess that's not possible. Maybe not now, maybe not ever. I hope I can avoid the latter.

There has been a great high point in all of this, and once more.. it's her. I will admit, that there have been some really hard times that have come down on us. And we worked through them. I just know, that there will be problems and troubles, and we will work through them. It hasn't been all easy, not by a long shot. The things in my life and hers make it harder to communicate, and that's just the way it is. I wish it wasn't so, but it is. All because she's overworking herself.. to get to me. I have to show my gratitude in some way, but there's nothing I can ever say to make it up to her. The best I can do is to tell her how I feel.

I love you, Jess. And as I promised you, I will. Forever. Always. No matter what.