Teetering on the Edge of My Mind

It seems I'm haunted. Haunted and hunted. A dead end future, with this worthless work as the stepping stones, is never good to think about it. Unfortunately...I have. Now more than ever...I've wanted to end it all. Just take my life, if I had the strength to do it. I've felt the cold steel against my throat...thought of reasons to live and found one. Just one. One..that really matters. Jessica. She's the only thing keeping me going, in this world of mind-numbing work...uncaring automatons...cruel intentions.

Jess: The way I feel for you...is the main reason I am still here. I need to find you...I need to be with you. And I won't give up..until I do. I love you, Jess...please don't forget that. You've done absolutely nothing wrong...no need for apologies. You haven't pushed me away...I just need time...time to think this through. I also wish to apologize deeply..for the pain I've caused you in leaving.. I will fully understand if you choose not to forgive me...if you choose to never hear of me again...even if you choose to hate me with all your heart.

Awake and Dreaming

Close my eyes...
I see you; I feel you..
Open my eyes..
I see you, I feel you..
Hear your voice..
I see you, I feel you..
Surrender to the sweet slumber..
I see you, I feel you..
No matter the action..
I see you, I feel you..
I love you.

Words on a screen,
Words through an electronic line,
Mean more than anything imaginable..
A simple gesture,
A simple tone,
Is enough to captivate my heart forever..
Hopes..
Wishes..
And dreams..
Are all one...
I love you.

Eyes Closed

Believe it or not...I'm actually posting again. Three times within one week. Almost like my original promise. The world really must be ending.The only reason that I'm really posting is because I have to say this.

Jess...I love you. I love you so very much. More than I could ever hope to tell you, more than I could ever dream of expressing. I wish to first off apologize for any and all inconveniences I have caused you, as well as any and all pain I may have caused you as well. So far from my touch...yet so near to my heart. Closing my eyes is all I need to see you... Bleh...this phone thing is really driving me insane..but what can I really do about it? Hmm...every word she says just finds its way into my heart.

Other than this...life is as humdrum as it gets. School, still sucks. But with some sacrifice...I think I can pull this year off. On both sides... Until the next time.

The One, The Only

Surprise, surprise...the asshole finally decides to post twice within the span of one week.Is the world coming to an end? Yeah..it must be. For I found...love. Well..that and I'm pretty happy. It's been a hell of a week..good times and bad. More good, without a shadow of a doubt. Let's just say..heaven called..and I couldn't but help myself to answer. While I'm happy...let's talk about the rather forgettable parts of the week.. School, is a dead end. I'm really hating this..the work is so long and hard..and it won't end until I'm dead. Either that or the end of the year.. Now, that I'm depressed again..let's talk about what makes me happy. Well..not happy. Extremely happy. I honestly think I found an angel..or she found me. In either case, I'm thankful, nay, very thankful. Talking to her on the phone has brought me a bit closer to heaven..but I suppose not everything works out the way we want it to. If you're reading this..know that I love you...I love you so much. You know who you are.

Noon's Mirror
Just as..
Everyday has it's end..
So too does the next one begin..
Such is the time..for dreams..

Midnight strikes..
My eyes look towards the skies..
A beautiful shade of gray..
No heaven in sight..
A wish is made..
An angel appears..
She reaches for my hand..
But instead grasped my heart..
Day rolls around..
And the angel and I..
Must go our separate ways..
But I shall forever love her..
And midnight..
Will be upon us once more.

More Than You Could Know...

It seems that it's been more than a month since the last time I wrote something down in here. Just when I said that I would post more often. Pfft...add this to the long list of lies. The question is now, 'Why has this asshole decided to post again after so much time?' The answer, if I had an answer I wouldn't be here getting all this off my chest.

School...is school. Not any better, not any worse. An instiution of learning and whatnot...let's just leave it there. Actually...things might be going somewhat better. Socially, I really couldn't give a fuck...but otherwise, I've learned to live with it. Being alone is not as bad as I once thought it was..

D&D...has almost faded from my life...and I can't say I like this. Oh well..what can I really do about it..except bitch and moan. That I'm good at. Forum life is grand...for the most part. mIRC...could be another story. Ahh, the forum. A sanctuary for my opinions with people who might be closer to me than any other on the planet. Promotions, nothing big, still pretty much the same...it's all good. mIRC...my new haven for the harshness that the days bring. Loved..and lost...and loved again. Am I so fickle? ...Or am I just a lonely heart...who seeks where he can find... Not everything is as clear and as opaque as it may seem. These people have helped me out more than they could ever know...yet some parts are better left unthought about. I would be absolutely lying if I said I didn't retain old feelings...and so yeah...I still do care.

Musically...nothing much has changed. Once more lying. Since the last post...my tastes have shifted back and forth, being the fickle person that I am. Punk..to Alternative...to RPG/Orchestrated...to Jazz/Bebop/Blues...to Trance...to Metal...and around that circle again. Whatever...just give me my music, whatever the hell it may be. As for anything of note during this period of time...there was that trip to Chicago on that weekend...that changed everything. As I knew it would. Not much else comes to mind. What can I say...I'm pitiful. And boring. And pitiful. Emphasis on the pitiful.